The Feraliminal Lycanthropizer is a low frequency thanato-auric wave
generator. Known for its use by the Nazis and for its animalizing effects
on human subjects tested within measurable vibratory proximity, the machine
electrically generates two subsonic sinewaves -- one 3hz, the other 9hz.
Together, these two frequencies (one acting as carrier, the other as
program) generate a lower third, .56hz.
In addition to these sinewave generators, the machine contains four tape loops
of unduplicable lengths, each containing textual material. Two of these loops
operate below the threshold of decipherability (one forward, the other backward),
and two operate far beyond the opposite threshold (also one forward, the other
backward). The effect of the subsonic sinewaves on the sound of these human voice
recordings is one of organic ululation.
But this aurotic environment, with its sensual, undeniably aphrodisiac effect
on subjects, is peripheral to the machine's essential function: to trigger states
of urgency and fearlessness, and to disarmour the intimate charms of the violent
child within. While the 9hz, 3hz and .56hz wavelengths together signal a state
of high-level ferocity and austerity in subjects within approximately four yards,
the Trithemean incantations richly pervading the machine's aural output produce
feelings of `aboveness' and unbridled `openess'.
The combination of drastically contrasting emotional trigger mechanisms results
in an often profound behavioral enhancement which occurs strikingly soon (within
moments) after the user enters and remains in the auricular field of the machine.
This patently Plecidic enhancement is described in a study by the inventor Bill
Jenkins as "Sensitive Disturbance", an "atomic catharsis of nucleopatriphobic
anxieties and freeze-locking, thanatotic armor." 
Documented experiments include cases in which subjects previously unacquainted
with one another are found freely sharing inner thoughts, secrets and/or vulnerable
feelings, in several cases to the point of impetuously shedding the veil of clothing.
Others involve extraordinary strength and detailed focus of will. For example,
a dilettante Catalonian national using the machine daily over a period of five
or six weeks eventually managed to ingratiate himself with Adolf Hitler, persuade
his quarry to adopt the swastika as high totem and emblem of the burgeoning National
Socialist Conference, and justify his swift departure from Aryan allies by returning
to Germany in 1942 to present Hitler with the inestimable graces of the Dalai
It is sad that the most widely known experiment (in which six younger subjects
turned their newfound fearless attentions toward death, and purportedly unleashed
their physical strength and determination upon each other in a congress of erotic
strangulation ) has
cast a dark cloud over the otherwise useful tool, erroneously compelling otherwise
intelligent persons -- from both scientific and artistic circles -- to avoid
the machine altogether. After decades behind locked doors, the Feraliminal Lycanthropizer,
protected by the Plecid Foundation and the William Jenkins Estate under the executorship
of Bill Jenkins, Jr., is now again entering a phase of widespread experimentation.
In 1978, Bill Jenkins, Jr., Magister General of the Plecid Foundation in New
York, of which his venerable father had held the title of Magus Eugenaestheticus,
extended a global invitation to those individuals ready to experience primal,
holistic, sensitive transmogrification by spending a few moments in his father's
laboratory alone with the machine. The results were very pleasing to young Jenkins:
out of 108 voluntary subjects culled from throughout the world, fifty-six agreed
to submit to Jenkins' apprenticeship program; within nine years, twelve of them
developed into skilled craftsmen capable of producing machines of sufficient
quality to genuinely spark a dawn of primeval wisdom by the turn of the millenium.
Dr. Robert Hutchins, late professor of Chemistry at the University of Michigan
recorded, in a laboratory journal of 1921, instances in which the machine was
brought to his home and operated at light social gatherings `incognito'. Hutchins'
interest does appear to have been somewhat questionable in that the journal gives
inordinate space to delirious accounts of sexual misconduct, juxtaposed with
vague attempts at scientific explanation. However, the entries  clearly
prove that the Feraliminal Lycanthropizer had quickly made inroads into academic
circles long before its Nazi usage. Following is an excerpt:
Present at this time are Mr. and Mrs. Cedric Wellington, Miss Elizabeth
McFadden and Miss Betame, whose surname I cannot remember. The group has
been in the presence of the machine, set at 5.6dbs, for approximately two-and-a-half
hours, two of which have been spent in an undeniably animalistic state.
Within half and hour of her arrival, Miss McFadden joined Mr. and Mrs.
Wellington in an absolutely deplorable menage on the living room floor.
Miss Betame appeared to be initially disoriented by this, but within five
minutes had removed most of her clothing and begun fingering her exposed
sex organ. After perhaps five or six minutes of these unbridled sexual
pursuits, Miss Betame, apparently shameless on all fours, attempted to
approach my body, on the opposite side of the room. In an attempt at cordiality,
I proffered a brisk smile and left the room to prepare a new tray of refreshments
for the guests.
Upon walking into the kitchen, I had to catch my breath. I had never
witnessed this type of behavior and would have never expected it from members
of my own peer group. I returned to the living room, set the hors d'oeuvre
tray down on the end table next to the couch and seated myself on a chair
facing the menage. Elizabeth, who had joined the others, glanced mysteriously
in my direction and crawled across the room toward me. I panicked and was
suddenly paralyzed. Aside from the effects of the Feraliminal Lycanthropizer,
which were close to bringing me into submission, I felt distracted by Mrs.
Wellington, who was howling while appearing to extend her entire left hand,
clenched tightly, into Elizabeth's birth canal. The lady seemed to be struggling
to say something, which I was then determined to decipher. I almost entered
a kind of trance state.
Betame's hands were rapidly and hypnotically motioning to remove my
shirt. I began to sweat and shake and again excused myself, this time to
the lavatory, where I now complete this entry. Clearly, Jenkins' Feraliminal
Lycanthropizer is a fundamental pivot between man and beast, and, if used
with extreme discretion, may serve to emancipate overly fragmented personalities
from the restrictive conditioning and mores which undoubtedly lie at the
crux of all neurotic and psychotic disorders.
Mahabad Golriz, renowned Persian botanist, spent a substantial portion
of his later years in Lausanne seeking subsidies from the Islamic Trust
For Arts & Sciences
for the establishment of a committee dedicated to the thorough investigation
of the Feraliminal Lycanthropizer's effects on plant life. Golriz observes:
The Lycanthropizer sets into motion the process of subtle change at
the innermost loci of the DNA molecule. In private studies, my associates
and I have observed a 72% consistency in the drastic changes the machine
imposes upon phenotypic expressions of the nokhod (pois chiche).
Walter Stevens, Assistant Director of Secret Operations, a primary artery of
the National Security Council, has intimated to a former NSA agent that the Feraliminal
Lycanthropizer was used extensively during and after the Vietnam War as a truth
serum, helping to liberate essential information from American war criminals
and distraught POWs. Although Stevens cannot be quoted directly, and naming our
intermediary would be a breach of trust, we do hold in our possession public
domain photographs explicitly documenting use of the Feraliminal Lycanthropizer
at the scene of such an interrogation.
Reprinted from the "David Woodward Supreme Ruler of the Universe" website
at http://www.davidwoodard.com/ with
permission from David Woodward
Addendum from David Woodward:
I do own a Feraliminal Lycanthropizer, of course. I constructed my FL with the
kind assistance of the inventor's idealistic son, Bill Jenkins, Jr. However,
at the celebration of my 27th birthday, a willful guest artfully located the
FL (which was already plugged in) and turned it on! The results were profoundly
disturbing for all of the guests, and the machine remains in shambles, for my
ex proceeded to pull the machine from the room and throw it out from the second
storey window onto the cement courtyard below. Although I have every intention
of repairing the damaged FL, I suppose I am still recovering from that incident.